Saturday, September 20, 2008

Sentimental Fool

As fall quickly approaches, and as Adele quickly outgrows all her clothes, it's become apparent we're overdue for a clothing purge. Every day is a struggle to find something that fits her AND is weather appropriate. (When it's 50-something in the morning and 80-something in the afternoon, it's very difficult to know how to dress your kid for the day.) Adele has two drawers and a closet full of clothes, but only 25% of it fits right now. This morning, I got sick of the digging and finally pulled everything that was too small or too summery.

A few weeks ago, my friend at Goddess in Progress blogged about packing up her twins' clothes, and how she didn't feel much of a desire to keep anything. She wrote, "I don’t find myself with any real pull to keep any of it. Maybe it’s because we’re most likely done having kids..." The opposite is true for me. I got misty a few times as I was packing up the last of the onesies today. Part of the sadness/wistfulness is knowing that Adele isn't a baby anymore, the other part is knowing that there likely won't be another baby later that would make it necessary to keep anything. It's hard for me to let go of the one and only baby experience I'll have.

I am sentimental by nature, no doubt, but I'm sure my sadness is magnified by how I still feel like I was cheated out of the Full Pregnancy Experience. Everything ended too soon--it all went too fast. While I know being a one-kid family is the right choice for us, I still can't help but wish I could do it one more time, just to prove I CAN. Just to experience those things I didn't get to the first time (like the third trimester). Just to have, maybe, a normal labor and delivery. Just to know what it's like to be discharged from the hospital WITH your baby. But Steve and I are no spring chickens, and soon I'll be in Advanced Maternal Age territory. AMA means higher risk pregnancies, and I just can't take that chance again. So, one kid it is. At least we hit the jackpot the first time! AND I get to live vicariously through my fellow Preemie Moms who are brave enough to try again, like my friend Jessica (mom to a 25-weeker), who is almost 35 weeks along in her current pregnancy and cruising toward her Oct. 21 c-section date. Or my friend Jen (mom to a 30(?) weeker), who bed-rested her way through most of her second pregnancy, but was rewarded with a gorgeous, healthy, Take-Home Baby, Caleb.

Back to clothes: I did keep most of her first outfits, the tiny preemie onesies that she wore in the NICU, and the outfit she wore home from the hospital. And I kept certain items that were meaningful in some other way (her first Easter dress; the little red hooded sweater she wore in her first professional photo; favorite shirts and receiving blankets). But everything else is boxed up, ready to be passed on to someone else who can actually use it.

Now, I just need to find homes for the baby carseat, baby bathtub, Bumbo tray, Boppy, mobile...

3 comments:

Jessica said...

Awww.. You know, if this hadn't have happened without our planning it, I totally would be scared to death of having more kids. I am sorry you are feeling sad about giving the clothes away.
But just think of what you're going to miss! Sleepless nights, feeding problems, colic, etc etc!
ha...
Well Adele's stuff sure is cute, so yay for the lucky mommy who gets to reap the benefits!

You should try to consign it first before giving it away. I'm already planning on a huge garage sale next summer! This neighborhood we live in is crazy for garage sales.. especially with kid clothes.

Anonymous said...

I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. I felt jipped the first go around too. I'm very very very thankful I got to do the pregancy thing again and that much more thankful we made it to the end with a healthy baby. I will say, the end sucks though. You are huge, you can't move well at all and the heartburn is horrible. But, it beats time in the NICU, so it is worth it, even with 3 months bedrest.
I have been going through clothes too (although for a different reason). I think I will forever keep the preemie clothes. It is amazing to look back and think, 'They had to actually GROW to fit into these things'! Plus, they make some good doll clothes--although a little big.
People ask if we are going to try for a girl. My response, No. I'm just not meant to be pregnant. No need to risk anything again. Plus that whole AMA thing...I would be there too.
I agree with Jessica..try to sell the stuff first.

Lindi Ben said...

Ah, sweet post. Jen and Jessica said it all, and plus they have more experience than I do with what you went through. Doesn't mean I don't wish too that you could somehow guarantee a risk-free second pregnancy. That would be nice to have that guarantee.

I hate sifting through the clothes. And I don't know about you but I never have an answer for people who ask me what Izzy needs - until I go to dress Carina and I realize she needs more long sleeves, or coats, or pants, whatever. Isn't it a good feeling to have a clean drawer though? Glad you're keeping a few items. You'll enjoy getting them out again.